‘SAY YES TO THE DRESS’: “BUT IT’S MY PROM!” EDITION – PART 1

It is the day upon which the peak prom-shopping season typically begins at Prom-tastic, your average North American formal dress salon. As per usual, everything is white/beige/taupe and pristine, ready to receive the day’s incoming prom-goers-to-be. One member of staff has just turned on the sound system, which begins to play the most current – yet tired – pop hits.

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http://fashiondistrict.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/rsz_photo_7.jpg

The store’s manager, Angela, preps the sales consultants after reviewing the scheduled appointments for the day.

“Alright everyone, just remember, we’re helping these teens get ready for one of the top-three most special days of their lives. They take it seriously, so we take it seriously. There may be a lot of eye-rolling on their part, but not on yours. Please remember to make note of the number of meltdowns that occur per appointment, on whose behalf they occur, and what the cause was.”

At this reminder, the Prom-tastic staff collectively groans.

“This may seem tedious, but we’re hoping that one day we’ll be able to improve the success rate and tone of our consultations. And most importantly, remember that life gives you L-E-M-O-N-S ladies! Love it, Experience it, Match it, Own it, and Nothing else will be necessary, so Smile.”

Getting through a single prom season’s worth of appointments is always like running a marathon, if marathons gave everyone headaches, dark bags under their eyes, and the 70% likelihood of developing an ulcer. In short, being a sales consultant at a salon like Prom-tastic is one of the most stressful retail jobs a person could get, but someone has to do it. The pay is commissioned and fair for the most part, and the typical peak season lasts only three months, but it always requires a great deal of stamina and hopefully-stable mental health to even have a chance of making it through until things wind down in early June. In short, it is not a job for the faint-hearted.

Soon to come on SAY YES TO THE DRESS: “BUT IT’S MY PROM!” EDITION, the consultants meet their clients of the day – who discuss their prom plans, dates or lack thereof – and negotiate the dynamics of the entourages that accompany them.

WATCH THIS: FAVOURITE LAUGH-OUT-LOUD COMEDY MOVIES

Fellow comedy-appreciators, if you consider yourself a lover of humour on the silver screen, I hope that you’ll have already seen many of the movies on the following list. However, whether you have or have not, if you enjoy humour that is dry, physical, and both smart and stupid at the same time, you will find a lot of satisfaction in the (chronological) list below.

What’s Up, Doc? (1972)

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http://www.authortonypiazza.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/whats-up-doc-photo1.jpg

Sample o’ the comedy:

Howard: It gets kind of complicated now. First, there was this trouble between me and Hugh.

Judge Maxwell: You and me?

Howard: No, not you. Hugh.

Hugh: I am Hugh.

Judge Maxwell: You are me?

Hugh: No, I am Hugh.

Judge Maxwell: Stop saying that!

The Bad News Bears (1976)

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http://cdn.hitfix.com/photos/6044701/The_Bad_News_Bears_Film_Nerd.jpg

Sample o’ the comedy:

Coach Morris Buttermaker: [Looks at Tanner’s black eye] What the hell happened to you, Tanner?

Engelberg: Tanner got into a fight

[Because of the first game loss]

Coach Morris Buttermaker: Who with?

Engelberg: The 7th Grade.

Coach Morris Buttermaker: What?

Engelberg: [Shouts] The 7th Grade!

The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)

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http://cdn2-www.craveonline.com/assets/uploads/2013/03/Pink-Panther-5-Herbert-Lom-e1362207288501.jpg

Sample o’ the comedy:

Clouseau: Does your dog bite?

Hotel Clerk: No.

Clouseau: [Bowing down to pet the dog] Nice doggie.

[Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand]

Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!

Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.

Meatballs (1979)

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http://maxspliffington.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/meatballs_10.png

Sample o’ the comedy:

Tripper: Attention. Here’s an update on tonight’s dinner: It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight’s mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed “some kind of beef.”

Caddyshack (1980)

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http://snowbrains.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/f5883b42-7e0a-41dd-bf58-8125c26edda8.jpeg

Sample o’ the comedy:

Ty Webb: Don’t be obsessed with your desires Danny. The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A doughnut with no hole, is a Danish.’ He was a funny guy.

Trading Places (1983)

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http://31.media.tumblr.com/50d7da5b80dbb71c64cc9dbcbbfce1a0/tumblr_n1d9rvClCm1qz8x31o1_400.gif

Sample o’ the comedy:

Billy Ray Valentine: [After demonstrating some fake karate moves]  That’s called the “quart of blood” technique. You do that, a quart of blood will drop out of a man’s body.

Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

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http://vixenvarsity.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/beverly-hills-cop.gif

Sample o’ the comedy:

[Foley hands the keys to his beat-up car to a valet]

Axel Foley: Can you put this in a good spot? ‘Cause all of this shit happened the last time I parked here.

Police Academy (1984)

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http://www.chud.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/mahoney.jpg

Sample o’ the comedy:

Moses Hightower: I was a florist.

Carey Mahoney: A florist?

Moses Hightower: Yeah, you know, flowers and shit.

Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

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http://www.liketotally80s.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/revenge-of-the-nerds-tri-lam-sweaters.jpg

Sample o’ the comedy:

Stan Gable: What are you looking at, nerd?

Booger: [to himself] I thought I was looking at my mother’s old douche-bag, but that’s in Ohio.

The School of Rock (2003)

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https://myenglishexpressions.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/tumblr_m69yg2sd9w1rzfm47o1_500.gif

Sample o’ the comedy:

Dewey Finn: Now, what makes you mad more than anything in the world?

[Sees Billy who has his hand raised]

Dewey Finn: Billy?

Billy: You.

Dewey Finn: Billy, we’ve already told me off. Let’s move on.

Billy: You’re tacky and I hate you!

Dewey Finn: Okay, you see me after class!

Bridesmaids (2011)

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http://media4.popsugar-assets.com/files/2014/08/18/916/n/1922283/6f555f3f0c00f626_1fvEq9t.xxxlarge/i/When-She-Casually-Tries-Sneak-First-Class.gif

Sample o’ the comedy:

Annie: You read my diary?

Brynn: At first I did not know it was your diary, I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

What are YOUR favourite comedies?